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More examples of behaviours indicating that your parent might have been emotionally immature, unstable or have Borderline Personality Disorder

Need for constant reassurance

Explosions of uncontrollable, intense rage

Impulsiveness

Threats

Narcissism

Own reality

  • everything was either black or white for them,

  • emotional manipulation and blackmailing felt like their greatest skill set,

  • ​once they got into the state of utter anger and rage, it seemed to you as if pure evil took over their body and mind, you feared them,

  • you'd see them using excessively medication, food, alcohol or sex,

  • you'd hear them saying that everyone hated them, was against them,

  • it seemed that they just knew your weakest spots, things that mattered most to you and knew how to put a needle into the heart of it, to hurt you,​

  • you felt they made you suffer, so you'd suffer with them,

  • you were a subject of sarcasm on a daily basis,​

  • you felt they made you pay for every single mistake, but they never took responsibility for their own actions,
  • you had to apologise for telling them off, as a way of standing up for yourself, they never apologised for anything,
  • they were never wrong, everyone else was,

  • adjusting every situation to their point of view, that would be different depending on how it suited it that day,

  • you felt you were going crazy as you were not able to distinguish the reality, from their imaginary reality (their point of view was the only true one),

  • you doubted your own gut feeling and sanity,​

  • you couldn't recognise your parent when being in public, suddenly they'd kind and polite to everyone, keeping appearances and that would make you feel lost and confused.

I write “might have” or “it's possible” as I cannot give a diagnosis.

Did you also cry when reading books about emotionally immature parents or Borderline Personality Disorder? I cried, feeling the emotional pain of my mum. I felt sorry for her. Not for me.

Despite what you had read, despite finding that your parent had BPD or was emotionally unavailable, it was still difficult to believe it. Maybe because no one ever talked about it in your family?

Or maybe because you still blame yourself for your parent's lack of happiness? 

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